i'm not enough.

others aren't.

The Lord is.

maybe the lyrics are greater than the song

ah, the depth.

love it.

you're my heaven, and my feet the only sound

you're the shadow in my mind

i am hollow all the time

- leigh nash, along the wall

and i wake up happy.

glory, glory, glory.

on a pillow

is it possible, for the heart to fall in love more than once?

not free love
but hard love
because what is in me is hard love.
fear of God, and not of man.

for lee-shing

:)

but its not about you. haha. related to you.

blessed are those who hunger and thirst
i was reading a series of beatitudes in a random reflection book the other day. and for some reason, it was this part of the justice and righteousness one that struck me deeply.
those who hunger and thirst.
i think i got really frightened. because this semester, i began to lose that hunger and thirst, for something better. i do not know if i have ever felt that, in quite that serious and insidious of a manner. how is it even possible to strive for something if you do not desire it? and how it is possible to desire something if you do not remember it?
a recognition of the reality that ... this world is strong, and it can dissolve your ideals and your beliefs. it can. in goodness, and love, and mercy, and kindness, and forgiveness, and self-sacrifice. how it is that children and people lose the sense of what is supposed to be and who they are supposed to be.
how the self becomes inured to what is less. and settles more and more deeply in it, because it is too hard to desire what is more.
hunger and thirst. i think i will have lost everything if i lose those two.
i need to be reminded every day. because i know, to let go of what i dream of and know to be right, would be to give up on anything of value.
i think- to give up on the world as it should be and could be.
...because when you feel the weight and truth of goodness, and do not have it, its a hurt your heart, down to the bones kind of ache for something that is not there. and you will work at it with your all, to taste it. to make others see it.

and so, the terror, really: what if i lose it?

o fickle heart of mine

i am writing for no reason in particular, but for the fact that it helps me understand.

i had a beautiful conversation with a freshman the other night, and it made me realize how much good conversations make my day. make my life, really, in turning me into the person i will become.

i've been thinking lately about art, and artists.
what is it that distinguishes a soul of an artist?
maybe there is no distinction or separation i can actually make between those who love art, and those who do not.  because maybe everyone is inclined towards beauty, but it is simply that their ideals of beauty are different.  in a form other than one i can recognize.  ...yet still there.

art
1. the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.

of what is more than ordinary significance.

the head ache

when she had been married a little while, she concluded that love was half a longing of a kind that possession did nothing to mitigate.
- marilynne robinson, housekeeping

i am unmarried. but i think: probably true.

books boys should read to understand girls:
1. anne of green gables
2. little women
3. pride and prejudice? i guess. i liked this book, but some girls love this book.
4.

and there must be more. but mostly: anne of green gables. prompted by kp [katherinejina.wordpress.com]

kevo

"Indiana"

I'm glad i never lived next to the water
So I could never get used to the beach
And I'm glad I never grew up on a mountain
To figure out how high the world could reach
I love the miles between me and the city
Where I quietly imagine every street
And I'm glad I'm only picturing the moment
I'm glad she never fell in love with me

For some the world's a treasure to discover
And your scenery should never stay the same
And they're trading in their dreams for Explanations
All in an attempt to entertain
But I love the miles between me and the city
Where I quietly imagine every street
And I'm glad I'm only picturing the moment

I'm glad she never fell in love with me

The trick of love is to never let it find you
It's easy to get over missing out
I know the how's and whens, but now and then,
She's all I think about

I wonder how it feels to be famous
But wonder is as far as I will go
Because I'd probably lose myself in all the Pictures
And end up being someone I don't know.
So it's probably best I stay in Indiana
Just dreaming of the world as it should be
Where every day is a battle to convince myself
I'm glad she never fell in love with me

- jon mclaughlin

i dislike, the finitude of my own mind and the capacity to love.
but i <3 kevo