hi, light

resolved:

to write everyday.

or rather,

half-resolved.

=)

either here, or in my fictional magnum opus.

my fictional little magnum opus. pequena opus. better: opus pequena.

i had an important realization today. as i was getting out of my car, in the dark of the basement and readying myself for a day of work, i thought, "am i disappointed in myself?" it echoed and scurried into the shadows of the walls.

"and if so, why?"

i am slightly disappointed myself, because i don't believe i have been exerting the courage to be who i want to be. i have simply been, in my natural state, which is an unthinking and fearful one.

i do not want to be afraid to be.

to be contrary and demanding,

to be dependent and trusting.

to be myself in all gargantuan form.

millions of legs!

octopus legs, flailing ever which way.

and today i kept thinking:

"be who you want to be."

and i became, a little more.

a little more esther! a little more Esther.

a little more happy.

a little more courageous.

dat da da

( david once told me he thought sounds were more meaningful than words ) (or perhaps that sometimes he can't find the words )

i often can't find the words

and - i keep thinking about this shirt, these words

scho good

...my happy laughter